Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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