Capitaan dildo arrescate!
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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