I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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