is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
