if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
