my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
