A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Randomize
