We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
