I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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