youre lurking in front of me
I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
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