you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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