I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
My first STD was from a foam party
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
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