Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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