When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Randomize
