I hate your face
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Randomize
