K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
