Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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