Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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