Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
