sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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