He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Randomize
