i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
