What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I supernannyed him into submission
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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