We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
whose parrot is this?
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
