Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
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