Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Randomize
