there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
