I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
