Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
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