All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
