college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
