Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
