Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Randomize
