Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
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