How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Randomize
