i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
