well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Randomize
