Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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