Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
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