so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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