Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Jerry, you need to find god
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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