The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
