I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
