Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Randomize
