Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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