I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
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