I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
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