So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Randomize
