Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
