So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Randomize
