I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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