my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Randomize
