As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
