Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
