she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I think I have vodka in my lungs
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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