i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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