So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Randomize
