it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Randomize
