Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
