Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
