that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Randomize
