Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Randomize
