I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
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