he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
