She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Randomize
