I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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