That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Randomize
