Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
