So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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