I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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