Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Randomize
